Sunday Morning

It is Sunday morning, September1, 2013 and in a few more minutes I will be going to Church.  Why bother, you might ask.  You all know me for what I am.  Sarcastic, gossipy, lazy, materialistic, irreverent, and very critical of religions in general.  So why would this woman be going to church?  Does she think a few minutes in a sacred environment will change her?  Does she not notice that her pew mates share some of her characteristic's and that in fact some of them may be even worse than she is? 
No, I am not silly enough to believe an hour or more in church is going to change the bad habits or thoughts, or actions of me or anyone else.  In fact it could be even worse.  I might become sanctimonious, believing that because I spend an hour thinking of and worshiping a higher power, I might be better than those who do not, or who worship differently. 
I know God, if he exists, and I do believe he does; is too big for any religion or church and he gathers to himself any who wish to be with him anywhere, from gutter to mountaintop, and loves us all equally.
So why am I happy about going to church today?  I am happy because I look forward to greeting my friends, with whom I have worked for years, on projects and missions which bring comfort and aid to many others in my community and world.    I am happy to sit in my pew and say the old prayers, sing the old hymns and listen to the reading from our ancient texts. I am blessed to listen to a live sermon from our pastor who illuminates with compassion and love the trials we face in our daily life, and offers comfort and support for those who seek it. 
I become present in a holy environment, "For where two or three have gathered together in My name, I am there in their midst." 
I feel I walk with my God, each day of my life.  I am in a holy presence whenever I turn my thoughts to that which is so much greater than I.  I cannot hope, in this life, to ever know the answers to all my questions.  I do know, however, that I did not create myself and that neither I not anything else is accident or chance or natural selection.  Where accident, chance and natural selection play a part in the creator's plan I am unable to fathom. I know in my most present moments, my darkest thoughts, my most destitute moments, I feel the action and presence of God and he sustains me.
Church service is a moment in time where I share with others our belief in the divine and holy being who creates, sustains and destroys each of us in turn in this life; and who one exists in, eternally.   

A quick poem for my readers

So I sit down to write
even though the timings tight
There is so little time
to even think of rhyme

So many things to do
and I am stuck with you
I promised self last night
that today I'd write

Other people's poems
often read like tomes
I want my lines to run
and frolic very lightly
so once you've left the page
you'll come back, maybe nightly?

So I'm trying to be optimistic again

O.K. I just gotta do this even if it is short.  It is like meditation or exercise, you must be consistent or it is no good.  I did practically nothing today but I did read the great article Nick posted from cracked.com.  I can't keep thinking about the article.  I cannot say anything better and the guy really made me think.  It seems like a long time ago when I thought like that.  I have really become a pessimist and for no good reason as nothing bad has happened to me personally.. 
I think it all really began with our invasion of Iraq and finding the later truth of no nuclear weapons.  I watched our "shock and awe" and listened to our embedded reporters and thought we were doing a good thing to get rid of Saddam.  I was thrilled when his statue was pulled down and I really believed we were ridding the area of a tyrant.
Then slowly the war went on, the truth came out, our killed and wounded kept coming home in body bags and stretchers; and what did we gain but unending war and bad world press?  I stopped being optimistic about our country or believing anyone in power. We missed our chance to get Bin La din on the Afghanistan/Pakistan border,  then came the great recession in 2007.  It just kept going on and on from there.  Friends and family lost jobs, homelessness and poverty grew, civil rights were challenged and voter suppression began in ernest.  My most cherished hopes for a better life for all of our citizens were being eroded.  I became more and more depressed, sarcastic and negative about our congress and local and state govt.
I became a member of the opposite of a tea bagger.  I became an old cracked coffee potter.  No relative of Harry. 
Anyhoo, the cracked .com" 7 reasons the news looks worse....." gave me a new lease on optimism.  I can't deny my frustrations but perhaps I can balance them more objectively and remember it is out of my hands anyway.  History will judge, not I.  And I loved the embedded cat video

Why I have a love/hate relationship with FB

I am led to blog again by a Facebook incident which has forced me to review once again what I am doing and why I do it.  I got on Facebook a couple of years ago just to find out what it was.  I discovered to my surprise that I really was enjoying my FB experience.  I began to encourage my friends and family to get on it with me so we can keep in touch with what each other was thinking , enjoying, where we were traveling to and from, getting engaged or having babies....All sorts of exciting stuff I had not known about for many years. For me the benefits of FB have been mostly positive.  I find that while my family seldom if ever writes and rarely cal,l they will keep in touch somewhat on FB.  I am separated by a lot of miles by most of my family and friends.  From India, Korea, New York, Pennsylvania, to California and Michigan, among just a few places, my friends and family are scattered far and wide.  From FB I have met up again with my great nieces and nephews.  Josh, Nick, Sean, Angela, are all my friends now.  Their significant others Elizabeth and MerryDeath, and now little baby Natalie are on my radar, where normally I wouldn't have a clue from their parents and grandparents where they were or what was happening in their lives. I have connected with old friends Becky, Helene, Charlene, and have become much closer again, to Eileen and Jenny. I have become friends with Joretta and some of her kids and love keeping up with them. Debra is in touch much more often and I am so thrilled to be in contact with her again.  Amy is in touch through FB but I have not found Dylan, Zack or Brooke yet.  Blake and Kenny and Michael ignore me but perhaps it is an older  guy thing.  Srini  too, isn't officially on FB but he reads the posts from family and his friends in martial arts and really enjoys them.
There are so many other people I would like to find and be in touch with but I forget to look for them when I'm on FB.  If your out there and see me, send me a friend request.
I really enjoy posts about you and the family and the animals.  I like to know where you have been.  Its O.K. that you don't say where or when you are going, but I love the updates when you get back.  I love to know your daily details, like comments on funny kids, kitties, dogs, or other wild life.  I enjoy recipes you post, cute sayings or profound thoughts or just status updates.  I like to know about family reunions, frustrations with daily life, funny things that happen or pictures you take and post.
The whole experience is mostly good.
What I do not like, however, are political statements which bad mouth others, or which put others in a bad light or try to convince others to one's point of view.  I do not like religious statements for the same reason.  It is one thing to mention you are campaigning for the Tea Party, Republican, Libertarian, Democrat or Progressive party, or to mention that you went to a rally, etc. It is quite another to post political rants or smear campaigns or negative cartoons or racist comments. I also do not like statements of faith which imply if you don't think or feel the same way, you are wrong and worse than that, damned.  I love hymns and lovely religious music and interesting links to what my friends and relatives might also find interesting.  I hate rants right out there in my face, which I am forced to hide or skip over continuously.  I just do not believe FB is the forum for our deepest faith and political beliefs.  There are blogs and emails which are much more suited for this type of exchange, or even links and private messages through, FB.  Please just do not proselytize to me when I just want to know you better, share a few laughs and pictures, and relate to you all in a gentle way.  So much for this blog.  See you all again soon.

I'm Sorry I've been gone so long, I promise I'll be back.

I have been traveling a bit and now I am immersed in a project which is totally unimportant and irrelevant to any sane creature.  I have been putting this off since 2001 and I am bound and determined to finish this week.  When it is done I will let you know and I am sure you will agree I am certifiable, however never knock one's passions.  They may point to who a person really is.  Enough said.  See you soon.

Taking time off

I am going to take a break from writing for a few days.  Check FB to see when I am back or I will send an email.  I have lots to do in the next few days and it doesn't include blogging.  I plan to stick my fingers in a light socket and recharge.  Just a little light humor.  Did you ever think about what it means to recharge your batteries?  As if one is some sort of a machine which constantly needs to be refueled, and occasionally needs to get recharged or get a whole new battery.  Wait, we are machines like that!  Who would have thought?  We add water and fuel everyday, we sleep to recharge, we crash and burn or sometimes just end up with damaged fenders or need an engine replacement.  We try alternative fuels like smoke, alcohol and drugs, but they seldom sustain us and do damage and rust out our parts and even throw off the electrical system and electronics on board.  We also sometimes add too much fuel and become twice the machine we used to be. Not good.
Did you ever think what kind of a vehicle you would be, if you could be any vehicle you wanted?  Much has been written about how and why people choose their means of transportation and it is a fascinating subject.  I would like however, to take it farther.  I would like to know what kind of person you would be if you could start all over with a brand new life.
I haven't really thought too much about this but if I were to be reincarnated into a brand new being I think I would again choose to be a woman. I would like to be a very strong and empathetic woman. I would like to have conquered my fears and insecurities and face life boldly regardless of the circumstances.  I would like to try on a variety of lifestyles but manage to live authentically regardless of the vagaries of the life I would be re given.  I want to love children, people and all animals and life forms, and to walk softly and gently through  God's creation.  I want to love beauty, art, nature, creativity and to contribute value to my fellow man.  Then to pass gently into the heavens.

Material possessions

I have given myself 20 minutes from now, to write this.
I have no clue but hope my muse will lead me.  Sometimes I listen and sometimes I do not.  It depends on the subject presented.
  I have been trying to get ready for the next step in my life but I am unsure of what it will be.  I don't think it is death just yet but I do think it is in the process of dying to things.  All my life I have been so materialistic.  I love beautiful things and when I see them I want to have them for my own.  I know I can only hold the things for a short while then I will be gone, so now I am looking to make the time of ownership even shorter.  Like, I want to have things of beauty in my mind only, instead of needing to physically bring them home.  I have been a little ashamed of my materialism but not enough to avoid telling people about it.  Everywhere I go, everything I see, I want some of it.  I ache for the beauty of the world and I somehow think if I can just hold onto it in some physical sense, that sense of awe will hold forever.  Well, you all know the end of the story.  After you have a thing it gets old, and you want something else to replace it.  The house, the cars, the furnishings for each room of the house.  We get tired of them all.  We want something new and shiny to replace them.  On the other hand we really want to hold on to what we already have.  We do not want to give it away or share it.  Sometimes we can be enticed to sell it, so we can get something new. 
 Now sometimes, unfortunately, we feel the same way about relationships.  New is better?  Can this be a reason why the divorce rates are so high?
 Anyway that is another topic and I have never wanted to replace my marriage or friendships. 
 But this materialistic thing, it is hard for me to get a handle on it.  I have always wanted to be free and unfettered, but I keep adding to my treasure trove of goodies.  I can't just pick up and go because the things I am leaving behind tie me up with invisible bindings.  They say to keep only what you love or is important to you.  It all is.  My thoughts and memories are all bound up in these things.
I keep thinking of having an estate sale before I die so I can separate myself from these material attractions.  I know many people in my Church and of my generation have these same problems.  It  always achieves tragic proportions when people have to leave their homes and move to independent or assisted living.  Decisions are forced on them and while in some sense they are ready, in another they are most assuredly not. 
 So I say, make the plans now.  Separate yourself emotionally and then physically from these emotion fraught things, and move on.  Buy no more, then you will need no more goodbuys.
 A little humor there. Sayonara.  I made my time deadline.