Friday, February 14, 2014

Friendship Lost, then Regained

Last week, Jan 31st to Feb 6 I received a visit from my lost friend C.M.  I had known C for 8 years between 1964 and 1974.  We lost touch because I abandoned her after she got pregnant with her daughter K.  I didn't let her go because she was pregnant, but because I had issues with her husband.  C's mother had recently regained her health and I felt with her baby and mother for support C would be too busy to care if I was no longer in her life.  Unfortunately, I could not just let our relationship drift.  Instead I wrote her an apparently devastating letter telling her I no longer wanted to be friends.  I did this for a variety of reasons which I can barely recall now, 42 years later.  I know one of the expressed reasons was that she and her husband were always comparing everything they did with us to our detriment. Our house, our car, our furniture, our wood paneling, our anything was up for competition.  I think I secretly feared the baby and their little family would be compared to our childless state, as well. We were in the relationship for friendship, not competition.
  I know I included C in my reasoning but the letter was truly directed to her husband.  My husband had said he never wanted to see M again or have him in our home.  I was young and inexperienced with handling situations like this so instead of talking to C I sent her a Dear John letter.  This had the intended result but I always missed C in my life and felt guilty about what I had done. 

In August 2013 when I was thinking about C, I looked her up on Face book  I discover she was no longer married to M and was in face in a deep relationship with a man she loved with all her heart.  After reading her timeline and that of her daughter K, I got up the courage to contact her and asked her if she would be able to renew you friendship. I have briefly copied my request and her gracious response below.

Claire Sastri

Hi C, I was looking for old friends on Facebook and there you were. Would you like to catch up again. Claire(Terry) Sastri

  • August 31, 2013
  • Hi again C. thanks for friending me. It has been a long time.  Can you send me an email, so I can update you on what has happened in my life since we were in touch? K is a lovely young woman. I'm sorry I missed her growing up years. Love, Terry

    • The Claire threw me off, but Sastri definitely got my attention. I'd love to reconnect with you; I felt so awful way back then when you "broke up" with me. I had such high regard for you and valued our friendship immeasurably. I'm sure both of our lives have changed considerably. I do prefer email to facebook since it's more private, so look for mine.

    • Since this initial correspondence my friend and I have been joined at the hip.  Not literally but we email, do facebook, call each other, and best of all she visited us.

      In fact it seems like there had been no separation between us.  The events that took place in our lives took us on very separate adventures but who we really are remained the same.  I remembered C as very intelligent with a photographic memory.(She says it is not, but admits it is really good).  I also remembered her as very proficient in French and always said she spoke like a native. (she says she doesn't but did get a 3 month scholarship to McGill Univ. in Montreal to study towards her Masters). She now speaks French, Italian and Spanish fluently, and a smattering of other languages and dialects.  She is a Doctor of English Literature, who wrote her thesis on Milton.  She taught language of 30 years and is still teaching as an Associate Professor at a community college.  She has traveled to almost every country in the world as well as extensively in the U.S.  Still this amazing and learned woman is as natural and forgiving as they come. She is brave and confident and extremely loving and considerate.

      I threw away a relationship with this lovely woman many years ago and I am so blessed to have her back in my life. 
      I think I have written this as both a confession of extreme stupidity in my life, as well as a caution to others.  Be very careful in your relationships and do not let your friends and family slip away.  If you do you will miss out on life's greatest treasures