All of my illusions about myself have been shattered once again. I have been married 52 years and counting. December makes it 53. You would think by now you would have a good idea of who you are and who you are married to. I would have thought by now I would have known how my husband and others see me. Instead this morning I was brought up sharp with an answer I NEVER EXPECTED.
I was taking a quiz on Facebook to find out what kind of cat I would be. I encountered the following question and four possible answers:
What kind of person are you
1. Kind, caring and sweet
2. Sarcastic and Moody
3. Relaxed and laid back
4. Fiery and Aggressive
I was having difficulty deciding between # 1 and # 4 so I ask my beloved husband. Well, don"t you know he chose # 3, Sarcastic and moody. I could not believe it. I said " Really, you really think I am sarcastic and moody"?
He said " yes, you are always making rude faces and yelling over the simplest things and making sarcastic remarks to me and about others."
I just could not believe it. I realized then I had no conception of the effect I had on others. Suddenly I could see why all my former friends had deserted me over time and why some people said I was hard to get to know at first. I must come off as a super bitch to most people. And I talk about moody people, oh my God, who am I.
My inner reality about who I am seems to be just a facade and my outer self is completely different.At least with regard to how I feel about and see myself.
I was so sure I was kind and caring and sweet and became fiery and aggressive only when defending others I felt have been wronged. Now I see the illusion I have been laboring under.
So please try and forgive me, both my friends and my enemies. I will be observing myself and my words and actions even more carefully from now on and will try to bring more cogency to my inner and outer realities.
P.S. I came out a Maine Coon Cat in the quiz.