Being and Nothingness, a journey in understanding.

I'm not sure how to title this yet as I don't know what it is about.  I sit here as the sound and the muse enter my consciousness.  It is an altered state as I am here but not here.  Everywhere I hear other sounds like the keys clicking and the heater motor whirring but the sound in my head overrides all else.  I experience dry mouth so go for more coffee all the while my sound is with me.  I know what most of you must think.  Tinnitus. Srini experienced tinnitus several years back and it was found he had a blockage in his inner ear channel. It almost drove him crazy until he went to physical therapy and in one session it was gone.  I would be very unhappy if my sound disappeared. It grounds me in everything I do.   Dizzy Gillespie said once that on drugs he could hear the space between the notes.  That is what this is like.  The sound beneath all sounds.  The continuous ground which lies beneath everything.
Being is that ground.  I AM that I AM.  Nothing can exist without the ground or Being, but everything exists within it.  Contrast every thing with no thing.  All things come into and then pass from existence.  No thing can nor can not exist because it is NO THING.  Existence presupposes thingness. Non existence is just a metaphor involving that which cannot be imagined. One cannot imagine nothingness.  Space/time/universe, existence is always filled with some thing.  That thing can perhaps be imagined as a vacuum or a void or a blank space or antimatter.  Each of these participates in thingness. Not, no thing ness. Nothing can be conceived as outside the whole of existence.  We can talk in the abstract about WHAT IS NOT. If we try to deny existence in any form we are left with SOME THING beyond infinity or eternity but we always hold in our imagination some thing, that is the WHAT.  So we are left with what is and what is not. Notness trys to deny existence, but since it is not, it can not.
This is all so clear to me and my muse but I am aware that is can be confusing or even absurd to my audience.  All I can say is Everything IS, and Nothing is Not.  There is nothing outside the Whole or Being, or God.  All things are contained within the Whole and it is inconceivable that they are Not. How do I know this.  The only way one knows is to know.  Many people believe that they know but when you really know there is an internal realization that yes, this is not a belief or something some wise man said.  It is knowledge itself , recognized.
I owe my tortured journey to three individuals,  Plato, Spinoza and Harvey Burstein, (teacher of philosophy at Queens college.  I owe my understanding to my ground of my being who let me know.

The Sound of Music

When I don't really feel like writing I just start writing.  The old clichés go through my mind. Just do it.  Do it now. Don't procrastinate.  Losers never win(how did that get in there?)
Anyway, I mostly try to face the unpleasant task after a few minutes of avoiding it.  This doesn't always work as a lot of drivel can come out but I try to keep an open mind.  If it is important to my lazy brain there might be something in it for my sharp, intuitive, restless, and creative being.  So today I'm just plodding along awaiting my muse.  I wonder about the word muse.  a muse ment.  It is a part of it all.  If the muse is not amused it will simply not cooperate.  After all, there should be something for everyone in my blogs.
I was discussing the sound in my head with a dear friend in December.  This high pitched sound has been with me as long as I can remember.  When I was a child I used to ask Mama, "what is that high pitched sound?" I used to think the light bulb was humming or something. Since she never heard it and would look at me strangely I didn't mention it to anyone else.  Mama looked at me strangely a lot but that is another story for another day.
So I have always had the sound with me as my companion.  When I used to have migraine headaches I would try to relax into the sound(go into an Alpha state).  If there were no distractions I would go to sleep in the sound and wake with no migraine.  At times the sound drove me crazy because I didn't understand it and would wonder why it was always with me.  I figured it was some kind of Electra/chemical process  and I would occasionally ask others if they too had a sound. No one I asked ever did but I did read in a few places that some people hear this but it is believed to have something to do with the inner channel of the ear.  I do have large floppy ears so I thought this was most likely a result of my strange hearing apparatus.   When I practiced transcendental meditation for a few months I was given a mantra but it never worked.  I simply could not meditate.
Much later I discovered that if I tuned into this sound when I prayed I could feel God's presence more strongly, but again didn't think too much about it. 
Then, along in December, comes my friend of untold years and lo and behold, she too has a permanent sound in her head.  Upon discussion I learn that as a child she too questioned people and she also got little understanding and strange looks.  She told me she has discovered this is an om sound. 
I still do not know for sure but it has been humming like crazy since I began writing this piece. 
I feel that, among other things it is my muse, my guardian angel, my soul.  It is always with me.  Sometimes in the background, very quiet, a mere whisper.  At other times, like now it is a roar. a celestial song playing loudly in my brain.  It is in me, yet I actually hear it. When I tune in and let the sound envelope me there is no fear and no problem. It simply is and it comforts me and drives me and consoles me.
My husband loves to listen to music, I often like the quiet because the music is in my head.
I feel it is an integral part of me and makes me what I am.  So much for this post.  If you have a similar sound please let me know.  There cannot only be two of us in the world!!!.

It Is NewYears Eve!!

As 2013 closes so do many things I have worried about through the year.  As always most of the things I worried about most never happened.  What does happen is unexpected, unanticipated, and mostly not even considered as a possibility for worrying. 
All year I worried about my sister-in-law, Padma.  I worried about how we would cope with her health when Bramara came here for Priya's wedding. 
Instead Padma is fine and happy in a clinic in Bangalore and Bramara has twice been hospitalized for serious illness, immediately following the wedding.
I worried myself sick about the Government closing and how innocent people would be effected.  Well, the Government closed and then reopened and life went on with no major disasters. 
I worried that the affordable health care act would be repealed as the Republicans were so adamant.  It wasn't, but the health care site crashed instead.  It is finally up and running and over 1 million people have already signed up. 
I worried and prayed so hard for ill people in my church and community.  Well, some got better, some died, and surprisingly people moved on.   
I worried and hoped that assault weapons would be banned and gun sales would include mandatory back ground checks. This didn't happen and the killings go on and on.  My worrying didn't stop a single death.
I worried about the people impacted by fires, tornado's, hurricanes and earthquakes and super typhoons. My worry and concern not only didn't effect any of the situations but it did in effect separate me from several of my friends.  Not everyone gets as upset as I do over massive loss of lives and ensuing hardship and poverty.
I worried about a lot of other things too, like Srini, Angie, my family and my friends. Stuff happened to all of them yet most are still here to celebrate the New Year 2014.

My resolution, I hope most I can keep, is to worry less and enjoy the relationships I have now, more.
Everything passes and memories fade.  All we each have now are each other and we are all better if we can hold to the present and not worry about the future.

It is what it is

It has been too long my friends.  I bet you got tired of waiting for me.  I find I need time for reflection to write and my muse goes on hiatus when I become too stressed.
" It is what it is."  Don't you just love that phrase.  It means nothing more or nothing less, simply what it is.  No artifice, no hidden agendas.  No lies or reconstructions or revisionist history.  Nothing added, nothing taken away.  Simple "is" ness.  Like "I am" or I am what I am.  Nothing added, nothing taken away. 
"Things are seldom what they seem, skim milk masquerades as cream" This line from the H.M.S. Pinafore by Gilbert and Sullivan, teaches the opposite of  " It is what it is." Everything that is, can be taken literally but also can be multi faceted.  A shattered mirror still reflects reality.

 

The Great PooBah too, is, the opposite of what she seems.  How can both be true?  She is what she is but she is the opposite of what she seems.  This my friends is known as alternative realities or inside out.  She is what she is but much of what you see and hear is illusory.  One and many, singleness and multiplicity.  We can look at the whole or it's many parts but each part contains some of the reality of the whole.  A segment of an orange, contains part of the identity of the whole orange.  As does the peel when we shred some to flavor frosting or cakes. The identity of the orange or it's orangeness is not lost in separation from the whole. 

In much the same way a human being moves through life sharing parts of it's essence with others but never really giving away it's identity.  We are what we are and it is what it is, but who can identify the truth in multiplicity. 

We can separate parts of our identity and indeed many of us are fragmented into what seems to be different personalities with different people.  You cannot step into the same river twice and no two people see or experience the river the same.  Each individual has so many facets to his or her personality. The more complex the individual the more can remain hidden or unseen.  One cannot be blamed but can surely can be misunderstood, as different people bring out different parts of their identity; depending on whom they are with.  And you thought all the mysteries were in detective novels.  Well, we are each detectives searching for true reality in each of the people we meet.  What appears to be true to us can be a  very different experience to another person.  We are all challenged to peer below the surface of our own illusions and the illusions of others to search out a true picture of reality. 

The lesson is don't be too simplistic.  It isn't always what it is, or who they are.  There are many wonderful and exciting layers to existence and it may be our job to discern these layers and seek out what truly is and is permanent. OR NOT!!!!

I am back briefly to say I will return soon.

I am sick and tired of saying I will be back soon.  I should keep up my days of Monday and Friday to post.  My computer was out for a while and I have been busy with other issues.  Hopefully I will post again on Friday, the 29th, if I don't lose track of time.  See you soon........

Finally free to marry

Two of my best friends just got married; to each other.  They have been together 25 years and a more loving and generous couple I have yet to meet.  Yet it has taken 25 years before they have been allowed by their states to be married. 
They have always been very low key.  Not out there or in your face...though I most likely would have been both.  Instead my dear friends kept their love private, between family, a few friends and God.
Finally they are in the same world the rest of us who love our spouses occupy.  They can visit each other in hospitals, sign death certificates and make funeral arrangements for their beloved.  They can inherit each other's financial and personal effects with no legal disputes.  Most of all they can love another freely and legally.
I am so happy for them and proud of them.
They have braved non acceptance from those previously dearest to them, and scorn and derision for too many unnamed and unkind persons they met or who are in their lives.  They have born insults from the right and sometimes the left wings, clergy, the military, and even their governments.  All that is in the past for them now. 
If only those of you who have ears would listen.  Governments, local and foreign, need to change their laws to that of acceptance for the rights and concerns of all of their citizens..

Matthew 5:45

The Message (MSG)

^43-47 “You’re familiar with the old written law, ‘Love your friend,’ and its unwritten companion, ‘Hate your enemy.’ I’m challenging that. I’m telling you to love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer, for then you are working out of your true selves, your God-created selves. This is what God does. He gives his best—the sun to warm and the rain to nourish—to everyone, regardless: the good and bad, the nice and nasty. If all you do is love the lovable, do you expect a bonus? Anybody can do that. If you simply say hello to those who greet you, do you expect a medal? Any run-of-the-mill sinner does that.

If God causes his sun to shine on all, how can governments do less.
I am so proud and happy for my dearest friends, and for all the others who share in the same benefits, under God and the Law.

November is here, near the end of the year again!

I have worked the Rummage sale for 7 days and loved the fellowship and camaraderie.  The results are not too shabby.  About $2100.  for Phoenix mission work.  If you take the people who worked, times the number of hours each worked and divide up the results you come to about .03 cents an hour, but it is all good.(just kidding, but there wasn't a lot of payback in $s for the hours worked.)

On Saturday one of our best friends, who was on a business trip from India to SFO, took a valuable weeks vacation to visit us.  We could not have had more fun.  Srini and he discussed and played guitar, talked martial arts and practical arts like carpentry and aircraft.  He and I talked books and philosophy.  He taught me and a friend about setting up modem and WiFi, Kindle, and Nook, and got my friend on Facebook and email.  Our friend, Arvindar, cooked for and with me, and would not let me lift a finger in work. When we went shopping he carted around my portable oxygen.   He gave us both a number of useful gadgets. Best of all he and another dear friend Madhu, gave me a pair of red Crocs to skip down the yellow brick road in my red Wizard of OZ t-shirt I had received on a previous visit.  Little Toto(or a female version, Angie), and I will go to the Church today for a blessing of the pets, dressed in our colorful outfits.  Angie too has a red t-shirt. 
All in all it has been a fantastic 2 weeks of fellowship and friendship.  Like all good things it must wind down but the wonderful memories are carried forward for years.
Now the next things are Thanksgiving, Priya's wedding, and Christmas.  Lots to look forward to at the end of the year.