Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Right Now I Am O.K.

It has been a while but I have been very busy doing my usual daily little dumb things. I read "Super Brain" and I really enjoyed it.  The main thing I really got; I had once before, but forgot it.(it is an interesting thought, got/forgot)  It is a very important concept that I forgot..  It is that Right Now I am O.K.  This means all the normal or abnormal things I worry about are in the future: and the stuff I fret about or feel inadequate about  or which makes me sad, are all in the past.    Right now, this very minute I am O.K.
I don't seem to realize or maybe I just don't get that I make my own heavens or hells or purgatories.  When I leave the current moment is when all of the problems begin.  It is however very hard to stay in the current moment.  Our hopes and fears keep coming up and we keep slipping backward or forward in time.  If time is a man made concept and everything only happens as it happens, not before or after, then it is easier to stay focused in the now. 
It is interesting to read stories about people with amnesia who apparently forget who they are, and remember nothing from the past.  It seems to be sort of like Alzheimer's only the self is lost all at once and can come back.  All of these people should have it easy living in the moment but it seems the moment is really unavailable to them too.  They appear to be worried about their confused little moment.  There appears to be only confusion or angst, in their moments. The moment is wasted in worrying about what they should but do not remember or what they are missing by being unable to imagine a future.
They seem to live in the lost land of existing /not existing, never ever land.
Meditation promises to take us into the moment but I have never succeeded in losing my mind.  Instead I lament and wonder why I cannot escape my thoughts, If you are worried about it you are not meditating.  You are supposed to gently draw yourself back to your mantra, instead I jerk myself around and try to force myself back.  I would much rather be consciously aware of what is happening now in the current moment.  The sounds I hear, the colors I see, the softness of my pet's fur that I feel.  Even the pain.  I try to go into the pain rather than escape it, remembering right now I am O.K. and if I can get out of my thoughts and fears and just tune into my senses I can continue on and live in the moment. 
Too often there are the moments of beauty and peace and Godliness and then we are jerked back to our hates and fears and belief systems.  How can we come from meditation, church, a symphony, and experience of beauty, God, or realization, and be the same old stinky, corrupt and unforgiving persons we were before?  The over the top experiences do not seem to change us.
This is why Priests and Pastors are forgiven for their transgressions and redemption is possible.  It appears to be part of the human condition.  As humans we visit the heights and descend to the depths
and carry only vague impressions of each state to the other.  Whatever the conditions of either state.  If I can only stay in the now I am O.K.